December can be an emotive month, filled with festivities, gatherings, celebrations, and excitement. Yet, it can also bring a host of expectations, pressures, and stress. Financial and time constraints, managing complex family dynamics, juggling social events and extensive to do lists, coping with the loss or absence of loved ones, and the pressure to appear happy on cue can feel a lot! However much we try to not compare ourselves to that commercialized picture perfect image, that is December's brand, it can be hard not to.
December can also, for alot of people, be a time of reflection, on the year that has passed and anticipation for the one ahead. For some, the year may have brought success, growth, and joy; for others, it may have been filled with challenges and struggles.
In our fast-paced, consumer focused, comparison-driven culture, we are often overwhelmed by “shoulds.” We should have achieved more, been better, or handled situations differently. These internal pressures, whether financial, relational, or professional can trap us in a cycle of win-or-lose thinking, success-or-failure judgment, and black-and-white expectations. As we ride the emotional roller coaster that can be December, lowering stress begins by pausing and embracing the practice of self compassion.
When we practice self-compassion, we are invited to stop being at war with ourselves and instead offer ourselves care and understanding.” — Tara Brach Radical Acceptance and Radical Compassion
The Power of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the practice of treating ourselves with the same care, kindness, and understanding that we would extend to a loved one. It is not about ignoring difficulties or finding a positive, but recognizing that struggle is a shared human experience. Approaching ourselves with a sense of gentleness, curiosity and acceptance can help quiet the inner critic, lower our stress and increase our self esteem.
When we remind ourselves that growth and gratitude often comes through challenges—not just victories—we open the door to a more balanced perspective. Self-compassion allows us to see our lives through a softer lens, one that recognizes effort, resilience, and allows for acceptance of ourselves, not just with but because of our vulnerabilities. It is a shift to a mindset that sees learnings not failures. It’s this mindset shift that allows for a more harmonious inner world but it also creates a ripple effect of kindness and empathy towards others.
When we give ourselves permission to let go of perfectionism, acknowledge that we don’t need to have all the answers, sit with our emotions without judgment or the need to “fix” them, this allows us to do the same with others. We are more able to bring that same approach to not just our relationships but also to the stressed out stranger who cut us up in traffic!
Offering ourselves self compassion can be the best gift we can give ourselves, and others too.
“Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves.” —Pema Chödrön When Things Fall Apart and The Places That Scare You.
Gentle Ways to Embrace Self-Compassion this December
Here are some simple but meaningful ways to help you slow down, be present, and nurture some self compassion:
Pause and Breathe! When you feel everything internally or externally getting "noisy" and feeling overwhelming stop and take a moment, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths. This small act can just slow things down, bring you into the present and help you react and act differently. Deep breathing triggers the parasympathetic nervous system our "rest and digest" state. Better still, take a short 5 mins walk around the block, a change of scenery and air help shift a mindset or thought pattern.
Notice your "Self Chat": Pay attention to your inner dialogue. Our inner critic can be on fire this time of year! Its easy to spot as it is often very black and white and finite using words like "always" and "never". Even saying to ourselves "I am being really hard on myself right now how else can I see this?" and allowing for some reframing, can help.
Focus on Growth: Reflect on the ways you’ve grown this year, focusing on things you’ve learned about yourself or ways you’ve shown emotional resilience. You might notice ways you have progressed and dealt with situations in a new way.
Practicing Acceptance: Showing ourselves grace for ways we have felt, engaged or behaved. Accepting what has happened but more importantly accepting what is out of our control. I really like the serenity prayer used in the AA 12 step Programme where it says
“grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference”Reinhold Niebuhr,
When to say YES: Remember whatever you say No to you are saying Yes to something else and whatever you say Yes to you are saying No to something else. Giving yourself permission to put in boundaries is really important this time of year, as the aim is the thrive not just survive! It can be helpful to see it as a YES not a NO!
In Conclusion
December can be a month filled with both joy and strain, as we navigate expectations, pressures, and personal reflections. Embracing self-compassion during this time helps us shift away from perfectionism and judgment, allowing us to be kinder to ourselves and others. By practicing patience, acceptance, and mindfulness, we create space for growth and resilience, not just during the month but throughout the year. So why not give yourself the best gift of them all and feel more inner peace, connection, and understanding!
"Self-compassion provides an island of calm, a refuge from the stormy seas of endless positive and negative self-judgment, so that we can see ourselves more clearly and come to a balanced view of our strengths and weaknesses” Dr. Kristin Neff Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (2011).
Thank you for reading this blog! I hope you found it insightful. Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments below and share this post with your friends. Stay tuned for more updates next month or better still why not subscribe? www.citysolacepsychotherapy.com
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