Why are We So Lonely?

When we talk about mental health, we often focus on obvious challenges—trauma, loss, stress, or processing difficult life experiences. What we sometimes overlook is the quiet, creeping impact of loneliness. Working in mental health as a Therapist, in Rotherhithe South East London and online, loneliness is a common theme amongst clients I work with.

Loneliness isn’t always about being alone—it’s about feeling unseen, unheard, or unsupported, even in the presence of others.

Humans are social beings and loneliness and mental health are deeply connected. When we’re struggling emotionally, it can be harder to reach out, trust others, or feel truly understood. Even well-meaning loved ones may struggle to grasp how our struggles show up in daily life. When we’re living with anxiety, depression, or other emotional challenges, it can be harder to feel as if anyone can truly understand what it’s like to be in our mind and body. Managing challenging thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming and a lonely experience. Over time, this can lead to physical and emotional withdrawal which can exacerbate the feelings of loneliness. On the other hand, being cut off from others, whether due to life circumstances or a lack of connection, can increase our vulnerability to anxiety, depression, and other mental health difficulties. Both feed into each other in a clear and tangible way.

Why Loneliness Matters

Loneliness isn’t just uncomfortable—it can contribute to both a decline and impact on not only mental but physical health as well. While some people genuinely prefer solitude, emotional isolation can be harmful if it’s leaving you feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or unworthy of connection.

Common Causes of Loneliness

Many factors can play a role in increasing isolation which can result in increased loneliness such as:

• Life changes: moving location, family breakdown, retirement, loss.

• Identity factors: disability, gender identity, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, and socioeconomic background can all lead to discrimination and experiences of social exclusion.

• Environment: People in densely populated urban areas often feel lonelier than those in rural communities.

• Work patterns: Remote and hybrid work bring convenience but can reduce important in person day-to-day social contact.

• Social media: Increased exposure and often comparison of curated, “perfect” lives online can intensify insecurities and low self esteem/self worth increasing feelings of othering and loneliness.

These factors also contribute to increased vulnerability to mental health difficulties but the root of our loneliness is often within how we experience the relationships we do have. If we feel we have or have had meaningful connections we are less likely to feel alone. If we have grown up with secure healthy attachments within our families we are less likely to be susceptible to feeling alone as adults as we have internalise a more secure sense of self . We are also less likely to experience isolation if we have this secure family unit still available to us.

Younger generation and Loneliness

It’s easy to assume that loneliness mainly affects older adults with changes such as retirement creating less social contact, increasing physical limitations, and loss of peers/loved ones etc but research tells a different story. The Community Life Survey 2023/24 done by the Office of National Statistics  found that adults aged 16-24 (12%) were more likely to report high levels of indirect loneliness than adults from all other age groups

This may be surprising as we can often perceive that there is a lot more capacity to socialise and connect with school, university, early careers, starting a family etc. But loneliness is not just about age—it’s about so much more such as circumstances, identity, and connection. We were all very aware of the threat and increase of loneliness during the Covid Pandemic, however The Campaign to End Loneliness, Robin Hewings, Programme Director at the Campaign, explained:

“Since the peak of the pandemic, chronic levels of loneliness have not returned back to levels we saw before lockdown. While this could, in part, be down to loneliness becoming a more accepted and talked about issue that can impact any of us at any stage of life, it’s clear that there are millions of people experiencing the severest form of loneliness, which we must continue to address.”

So what other factors could be causing increased loneliness within the younger population?

Increased Mental Health Issues The correlation between loneliness and mental health is obvious and it would be no surprise that as I explored in my previous blog Mental Health issues are on the Rise so too would loneliness be on the rise.

Technology Culture and community changes within the relationship with technology is hardest hitting on the younger generations exposed to social media, online gaming, cyber bullying etc. Designed to be addictive these can cause increased physical isolation and a lack of real connection amongst hyper-connection. As younger generations are navigating these platforms and being exposed to a plethora of content it is also no surprise we are seeing an increase in loneliness and increased mental health difficulties . In a study across Norway, United Kingdom, USA, and Australia it showed that more time spent on social media was associated with higher levels of loneliness, in particular for people who used social media as a means for maintaining relationships

Cost of living crisis and the housing crisis Capacity to choose has changed as has accessing higher education, buying a first home for example. Work life balance has become harder resulting in increased burn out as well as decreased financial resources to enjoy social interactions.

Decreased safety playing in the park till dark is less likely to occur meaning younger generations have grown up with a new normal of increased screen time and less community face to face connection.

Transition Living in a city connections can be fleeting as people move in and out of the city especially more now with the increasing difficulty for young people to afford to stay where their families and friends are, opting to move far away to ease financial pressures.

Increased community and family breakdown a smaller network of consistent and united support could also be playing into a sense of forced independency and isolation amongst the younger generations.

Modern Dating Crisis The overwhelm of choice on dating apps and the challenges of commitment has made more young adults single not by choice. The Guardian wrote an article in which it said:

“Anyone who quits the apps and ventures "into the wild" is confronted with a culture in which making "cold approaches" is rare, if not frowned upon"

Find meaningful intimate connections has changed, and more challenging, which could also result in an increased sense of loneliness.

These factors can also affect people of any age so may also be contributing to the global epidemic of loneliness. The World Health Organisation identified around 16% of people worldwide – one in six – experiencing loneliness.

So what can you do if you or someone you care about is feeling lonely?

How to Begin Addressing Loneliness

1. Acknowledge your feelings Remind yourself it’s okay to feel lonely—and that you are not alone in experiencing it.

2. Explore the roots Reflect on how long you’ve been feeling this way. Sometimes we unfairly blame ourselves, when in fact our job, location, health, or life stage might be the main contributors.

3. Start talking Share your feelings with others. Even if they can’t meet all your emotional needs, opening up gives relationships the chance to deepen and allows people to show up for you.

4. Identify what you’re lonely for Is it emotional/meaningful connection? Light-hearted conversation? Shared activities? Understanding this can help you seek the right kind of connection.

5. Take gentle action Consider joining a local class, group, or club where you might be able to find people with similar interests or connection points. Look into community events, meetups, or supportive social media spaces that may also be specifically designed for people feeling the same way.

6. Get support Therapy can also be a safe place to explore feelings and find strategies to reconnect especially if feeling lonely has been present for a while or from childhood. This can happen when early experiences left us feeling unseen or emotionally unsupported. These long-standing patterns often require deeper work, where we can identify the parts of ourselves that carry unresolved feelings, beliefs, or burdens. We can then find new ways of connecting with ourselves and others.

Addressing loneliness doesn’t always mean making more friends or being around more people. Sometimes, it’s about finding relationships that feel safe and nourishing, or learning to connect more deeply with yourself.

So If you’ve been feeling lonely—whether for weeks, months, or most of your life—you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Find people and places to connect and, if it feels right, Therapy can offer a compassionate space to explore your feelings, understand their roots, and take steps toward finding that meaningful connection.

Do you experience Loneliness?

• Yes regularly
• Yes frequently
• Yes sometimes
• No never

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