Who Am I Really???? Using Internal Family Systems Therapy to Understand Identity and Mental Health

In many modern Western contexts, there has been a growing cultural focus on identity and self discovery. Phrases such as “speaking your truth” and being “your true self” have become popular phrases around identity, acceptance, and wellbeing. Social media and broader cultural shifts have further amplified this emphasis on authenticity and self expression. Yet the process of finding who we are may be more complex than these ideas suggest because human beings are rarely simple or singular.

We often hear phrases such as, “That was so out of character,” “She was like a different person,” “I don’t know you anymore,” or “You aren’t who I thought you were.” Beneath these statements sits an assumption that each of us has one fixed personality, one stable identity we are meant to become more fully. That to be healthy is to somehow become one coherent, singular version of ourselves.

But what if that is not actually true?

Internal Family Systems therapy, often known as IFS, blows this idea wide open and invites us to consider that we are all, in a sense, multi personalitied.

This doesn’t mean we have Dissociative Identity Disorder, (it used to be called multiple personality disorder), which describes a rare and complex condition involving distinct identity states, often linked to severe trauma. but in the sense that we are not one fixed entity. Rather, we are a far more complex internal system made up of protective parts, vulnerable parts, and a core self.

Developed in the 1980s by Richard Schwartz, IFS is perhaps most recognisable for its links to the development of the film Inside Out, where different characters live inside someone’s mind, each representing distinct emotional states and perspectives. Schwartz developed the model after noticing that people naturally referred to different “parts” of themselves.

We all do this.

A part of me wants to go to the party because it will be fun.

A part of me wants to stay home because I feel antisocial.

A part of me worries everyone will think I am flaky if I do not go.

We can hold multiple thoughts, feelings, and motivations at once, yet often search for the “true” feeling as if only one can be valid.

But what if all of those parts are real? What if each carries its own perspective, shaped by our life experiences?

The Core Self: Who am I really?

IFS suggests that beneath all of our parts exists a core Self.

“Self is characterised by calmness, clarity, compassion, curiosity, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness.”

— Richard C. Schwartz, No Bad Parts (2021)

When we are connected to Self and not blended or flooded with our parts, we tend to embody qualities that are often referred to as the 8 Cs of Self energy. There are also qualities like being playful, present, patient, and persistent.

In simple terms, Self is what we experience when we feel most grounded, regulated, and at ease within ourselves when our internal world feels quiet and we for want of a better word when we feel content.

So Where Do Our Parts Come From?

IFS suggests we are all born with parts, but life shapes how those parts develop. Through attachment wounds, relational ruptures, trauma, shame, or repeated experiences of emotional invalidation, we can learn that certain feelings, needs, or traits are unacceptable, unsafe, or unwanted. We then develop protective parts to help manage or suppress those more vulnerable aspects of ourselves.

For example, if sensitivity was criticised in childhood, a protective part may emerge that becomes stoic, dismissive of emotion, or highly avoidant of vulnerability.

In IFS terms, the more wounded and vulnerable parts are often called exiles, while the parts that work hard to keep those wounds buried are called protectors.

Protectors can be proactive or reactive.

For example a proactive protector part may make you overprepare for a meeting you are anxious about, working excessively hard, or striving for perfection to avoid criticism or failure.

Depending on the outcome of that meeting a reactive protector may then try to soothe you by reaching for a glass of wine, shutting down emotionally, lashing out, dissociating, or withdrawing.

Both believe they are helping.

There Are No Bad Parts

One of the most powerful aspects of IFS is the belief that there are no bad parts. Richard Schwartz even named his book this.

This does not mean all parts behave in healthy ways. Protective parts can also be highly destructive, self sabotaging, or harmful to relationships. But in IFS, even the most problematic behaviour is understood as a protective strategy rather than evidence that someone is fundamentally broken.

That perfectionist part, avoidant part, angry part, anxious part, numbing part, people pleasing part, they are not trying to ruin your life.

They are trying to protect something more vulnerable beneath them.

Often that vulnerable part carries fears such as:

I am not good enough

I will be rejected

I will be humiliated

I will be abandoned

I am unsafe

Our systems can go into overdrive trying to prevent those vulnerable parts from ever being hurt again.

Why This Matters for Mental Health

Understanding ourselves through this lens can be profoundly shame reducing.

Rather than seeing ourselves as “all bad,” “too much,” “damaged,” or “self sabotaging,” we begin to understand that difficult thoughts, feelings, and behaviours may belong to specific parts carrying pain, fear, or outdated protective roles.

We are not one flat personality.

We are a complex internal system of narratives, beliefs, adaptations, and protective strategies.

In many ways, humans are storytellers. Our brains are wired to survive and to make meaning from experience. We create narratives about what has happened to us, what it says about us, and what we must do to stay safe.

Over time these narratives become beliefs and our parts hold those beliefs.

Why Insight Alone Is Not Always Enough

Many people come to therapy understanding why they think, feel, or behave as they do. They can analyse their childhood, recognise their patterns, and intellectually understand their trauma.

But insight alone does not always create change.

This is where IFS can be so powerful.

Some talking therapies can remain more focused on cognitive understanding and insight. We understand our wounds, but still feel stuck in them.

IFS works differently. Rather than only talking about our parts, we begin relating directly to them.

We can come to therapy hoping to "change", "get rid of" or "control" our feelings. But when therapy allows us space to slow down enough to notice what is arising internally and approach it with curiosity rather than control and compassion rather than fear we being to truely build trust and safety in ourselves. Through IFS we can get to know our protective parts, understand what job they are doing, and explore what vulnerable part they are protecting.

As strange as it may sound initially, this can create profound healing.

Often what wounded parts of us never received was not advice or analysis. They needed attunement, safety, empathy and compassion.

Repairing the Inner World

Within the IFS model, healing is understood to occur when vulnerable parts are finally met differently.

Rather than controlling, suppressing, or managing distressing feelings, we learn to approach our internal world as we would a distressed child with calm, curiosity, compassion, and care.

In doing so, we are the regulated adult many parts of us may never have had.

Over time, wounded parts can begin to release the beliefs, pain, and burdens they have carried for years. Protective parts no longer need to work so hard. The system becomes less reactive, less flooded, and more cohesive.

Ironically, through acknowledging and knowing our parts we can begin to feel more whole.

Blending IFS with Art Psychotherapy

This is also why Internal Family Systems blends so effectively with Art Psychotherapy. IFS is often deeply visual, symbolic, and somatic. Clients frequently experience parts as images, characters, sensations, ages, or distinct internal “personalities”.

Art Psychotherapy, which requires no artistic skill, works directly with both conscious and unconscious experience and engages the body as much as the mind, making it a naturally embodied and relational approach.

Creative processes can therefore help to externalise and explore parts in a focused and meaningful way.

This image*, created by one of my clients, represents in a powerful and symbolic way a part expressing the experience of feeling shut off or disconnected.

By working in this way clients parts can be expressed and receive what they felt they needed allowing for healing.

By working in this way, parts are given space to be expressed and, in doing so, can begin to receive what they needed at the time. This process can be deeply reparative and can support healing over time.

As this happens, other parts often begin to feel less fearful, overwhelmed, or panicked, allowing the internal system to gradually settle. It is also common to notice how parts can react to other parts, creating internal cycles of tension that start to make sense once we begin to map them out with curiosity rather than judgement.

I also use image cards in my work, as images can be a powerful entry point into this process. They allow us to bypass overthinking and begin to connect with different parts in a more intuitive and embodied way.

Visual mapping, image making, and symbolic exploration can support people to access parts that may be difficult to reach through words alone.

Final Thoughts

The irony of IFS is that by accepting we are not one singular, simple personality, we often feel more whole than ever before and begin to get an understanding of "who am I really".

Like the body, which appears as one physical organism despite being made up of countless interacting systems, we too are made up of many inner parts working together, sometimes harmoniously, sometimes chaotically.

To know ourselves is not to eliminate these parts.

It is to understand them.

To listen to them.

To heal them.

And perhaps in doing so, we stop asking, “Why am I like this?”and start asking,“What part of me is hurting, and what might it need?”

That question alone can change everything.

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*All images included in this article have been shared with full written consent. These individuals are not current clients.

If you or someone you know is looking to explore how IFS and Art Psychotherapy could help then why not take that first step and click the image below to book an initial free discovery call with me, let's see how I might be able to help!

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