Am I Too Much or Not Enough? Meeting Shame with Art and Self-Compassion

Have you ever felt like you’re too much and not enough—all at once? Like you’re taking up too much space, too loud, too sensitive, too demanding… while at the very same time, not being clever enough, calm enough, successful enough, or simply good enough?

This painful paradox is something many of us carry, often quietly and for a long time. At its core lies shame: that deep, internal feeling that we are somehow flawed, wrong, or broken. Not that we’ve made a mistake (which is guilt), but that we are a mistake. This is the key difference between guilt and shame.

Guilt says:I did something bad. 

Shame whispers:I am bad.

Where does this start? Sometimes it begins in childhood, especially in homes where love and praise were inconsistent, conditional, or withheld. When children don’t receive consistent validation simply for being who they are, they start learning to measure their worth through performance, behaviour, and how others respond. If affection or attention came only when you achieved something or acted a certain way, you might have developed an internal belief that you had to be a certain kind of person to be worthy of love. This insecure version of self learns to scan the environment constantly checking: Am I doing okay? Do you like me? Did I get it right?

This self becomes vulnerable to the judgments of others. We begin to build a version of ourselves based on what’s praised rather than what’s true. And so, the inner critic is born.

The Inner Critic and the Art Room

In Art Psychotherapy these internal voices often appear, at first, in subtle ways. A common one I hear is: I can't draw, or This is rubbish, or What if it doesn’t look good? As Art Psychotherapy is a live and interactive therapy we often see this inner critic and these feelings of insecurity present early on. In the creativity of Art Psychotherapy there are no “rules,” or how to do it “correctly" and there is no clear right or wrong. As a therapist I offer themes and help or guide clients first experiencing therapy but it is common for clients to get caught up with what the artwork looks like rather than what it feels like or what it is conveying. It is often reflective of much deeper vulnerable feelings of inadequacy or a fear of being judged.

Yet, young children don’t worry about this. They never question if they are creative, or good at art. They scribble with abandon, mixing colours with their hands, and draw without hesitation! Their art is alive with feeling and freedom. They’re not concerned with perspective or realism—but they are focused on trying to say something, feel something and be something. So when did that freedom get lost?

A World of Comparison

We live in a culture that praises achievement from an early age. Stickers, stars, grades, certificates. We’re taught to measure ourselves against others—who's fastest, cleverest, neatest, most liked. But character—who we are inside, what we love, how we care—is often overlooked.

Yet it’s character that carries us through relationships and hardship, helps us make meaningful connections, and ultimately brings us joy and purpose. Not our exam results or job title.

If we grow up constantly compared, constantly striving, but never feeling seen for who we truly are, shame can take deep root.

We become afraid to show the parts of ourselves that feel vulnerable, different, uncertain, messy or unacceptable. We try to become someone who will be accepted. And in doing so, we hide parts of ourselves and can lose true connection.

Healing Through Expression

Creative expression can be a powerful way back to ourselves. In therapy, we can begin to meet the inner critic with curiosity and compassion, instead of fear. We have a safe space to slow everything down and carefully explore, examine and understanding these feeling.We can ask: Whose voice is this? What is it trying to protect me from? Often, it’s a younger part of us trying to keep us safe, that just needs listening to.

When we let go of the pressure to make something “good,” we create space for something much richer—something true. We might use colour, shape or texture to express an emotion we can’t put into words. We become more focused on expressing meaning and connection than seeking validation and acceptance from others. We might draw without a plan, simply noticing what emerges. We might map out parts of ourselves—the confident part, the scared part, the part that longs to be seen. We can reignite a sense of playfulness, spontaneity and the capacity to hold lightly to what we create. This can open opportunity to do this outside of the therapy room and within our own lives, which is often what I start to see with my clients. Through this process, we begin to reclaim those hidden parts that have been silenced by shame. The ones that learned early on that it wasn’t safe to be our fullest ourselves. Lowered shame allows a free-er self.

Embracing the Whole Self

The antidote to shame is not perfection—it’s self-compassion. When we start to accept all parts of ourselves, even the ones that feel messy or “too much,” we build a more secure and authentic sense of self. We realise that our worth was never dependent on being neat, clever, or quiet. It lies in our being, not our doing. There is only one of you. No one else has your exact combination of thoughts, feelings, history, humour, imagination, or resilience. Through this we begin to build a stronger sense of self and ultimately grow in mental resilience and compassion, not just for our own vulnerable parts but also for those in others.

Art psychotherapy gives a unique space to reconnect with our own uniqueness—to express without judgement, to feel without fixing, and to start believing that we are enough, exactly as we are, even when we colour outside the lines!

___________

Thank you for reading this blog! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below and share this post with your friends. Stay tuned for more updates next month or better still why not subscribe?

www.citysolacepsychotherapy.com