5 Simple Ways to Calm Anxiety That Can Help you Self Regulate

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength — carrying two days at once.” 

— Corrie Ten Boom

Anxiety can be one of the most overwhelming emotions that many people struggle with. Often, we look for quick fixes, distraction, avoidance, or trying to push the feeling away all in the effort to prevent a full-blown panic.

But anxiety isn’t just a feeling in the moment. It’s shaped by our early life experiences.

Early in life, we come to understand emotions through our relationships with our primary caregivers, not only by how they respond to our feelings, but also by observing how they express and manage their own.

This, in turn, shapes how we respond to both our own emotions and those of others; either by mirroring similar ways of coping and expressing, or by reacting to those emotions in contrast. For example, if a caregiver tends to panic when anxious, we might learn to mirror that same anxiety, or alternatively, to shut down in response to their distress.

Over time, these patterns become familiar templates for our own emotional regulation and connection in the future.

“ As children develop, their brains ‘mirror’ their parent’s brain. In other words, the parent’s own growth and development, or lack of those, impact the child’s brain."

---- The Whole‑Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

So, when we think about our own anxiety, it can be helpful to reflect on questions like:

• How did anxiety show up in my family?

• Was it safe to express my anxiety?

• How was anxiety in my family expressed, repressed, shared, minimized, or dismissed?

• When I felt anxious as a child, what did I learn about my feelings?

• Did I find comfort, soothing, or relational repair when I was anxious?

• When others were anxious, what role did I play, or what were the repercussions for me?

Reflecting on these questions helps us identify what was missed and what we truly needed as children when emotionally dysregulated. These can often be grouped into the following:

1. To be comforted — through verbal and physical soothing.

2. To feel safe — having space to calm, breathe, and come back into your body.

3. To share feelings without judgment — knowing your emotions can be expressed freely.

4. To feel validated — your feelings matter, not because of the situation, but because you matter.

5. To feel supported — someone being with you through it, reminding you you’re not alone.

6. To have choice — feeling empowered to know and make choices and see alternative perspectives.

   
   

By receiving comfort, safety, validation, and guidance, we learn our emotions are safe, manageable, and do not need to be feared, shamed, buried, or dismissed.

These same principles apply can help all children learn emotional regulation. As parents of young children, this is so important to model. This can help them to self regulate later on and to make sure what they learn about emotions is healthy and helpful for their future relationship with themselves and others.

These same needs can also be really similar to what we actually also need as adults: the universal human needs for connection, understanding, and a sense of safety when emotions feel overwhelming and threatening.

How Adults Can Use Self Regulation to Manage Anxiety?

When we have missed out on experiencing emotional co-regulation (unlike self-regulation, which is managing one’s own emotions, co-regulation depends on another person’s support, guidance, or responses to help stabilize and shape emotional experiences), it becomes essential to approach ourselves, and our anxious parts, with compassion and patience to allow for a new experience.

5 Strategies for Managing Anxiety 

Here are a blend of reflection, grounding, movement, and creative expression to help when you feel overwhelmed by anxiety (and it works for other emotions too!):

1. STOP Pause whatever you’re doing (unless you’re driving — then pull over somewhere safe). Stopping gives your nervous system a moment to reset.

2. Ground Yourself in the Present Bring yourself back into your body.

• Breath: Slow, intentional breathing tells your brain you’re safe, helping the threat response relax and your prefrontal cortex engage. Try finger breathing or square breathing.

• Ground: Feel your feet planted flat on the floor — notice yourself as grounded and present. Use a 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise (5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste).

  
  

3. Move Your Body

Physical activity releases tension, supports emotional regulation, and helps your nervous system reset.

• Try walking, stretching, gentle yoga, or just changing where you are.

• Movement can help emotions flow and make anxiety feel less stuck in the body.

3. Reflection and Self-Compassion

Saying, “I notice my anxious thoughts/feelings are here right now,” can allow some space between you and the feeling. You might also slow things down enough to identify where in your body it is showing up (this helps create clarity and connection with yourself).

Befriending this anxious part of you instead of fighting it can help reduce intensity and feel more internal compassion:

• Write down your feelings without censoring, listen as you would to a small child.

• Thank this part of you for expressing itself and remind yourself you are there to support it.

• Identify what’s in your control and what isn’t, and offer yourself 2–3 practical options for next steps.

• Celebrate the small steps: acknowledging and responding differently to your anxiety is powerful.

  
  

4. Use Creative Expression

If you can’t find words for what you feel start with drawing, mark-making, or other art-based activities as these can help externalise emotions.

• Scribble freely, use colours to represent how you feel, or make abstract shapes.

• The goal isn’t art skills — it’s giving your mind and body a non-verbal outlet for expression.

Remember You don’t have to face anxiety alone. Support groups, your GP, and getting individual therapy can provide guidance, connection, and support.

By practicing reflection, grounding, movement, creative expression, and self-compassion, you can begin to create new emotional patterns, reframe anxious thoughts, and build a deeper sense of safety and resilience within yourself.

Every small step, pausing, noticing your body, moving, reflecting, or expressing creatively, is a way of showing up for yourself in a way you may not have experienced before.

Over time, these moments accumulate, teaching your nervous system that emotions are safe, manageable, and a signal for care rather than fear.

Anxiety may feel overwhelming at times, but with patience, practice, and support, you can transform your relationship with yourself.

You are not defined by your anxiety or stuck to always feel like this; you are learning, growing, and building a foundation of emotional strength that will carry you forward, day by day.

___________

If you or someone you know is looking for an in person therapist in South East London or online then why not take that first step and click the image below to book an initial free discovery call with me, let's see how I might be able to help!

Thank you for reading this monthly blog! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below and share this post with your friends. Stay tuned for more updates next month or better still why not subscribe?