Understanding who we are, what we need and want, is crucial for developing healthy relationship with ourselves, ours friends and families, and the world around us.
Sounds good, right?
Identifying and understanding our core values can significantly influence our sense of identity and affect our emotional well-being, confidence, sense of belonging, balance, purpose, and decision making skills. It helps us understand why certain things make us happy or unhappy and shed light on what we need to change or improve in our lives.
So What are Core Values?
Core values are our fundamental beliefs and principles that guide our actions and decisions. They shape our sense of purpose, influence our behaviour, affect our emotional state, and dictate how we perceive the world and our place within it. They begin forming early in life and continue to evolve, influenced by genetics, environmental factors, relationships, and personal experiences.
Core values are not consciously chosen priorities. Given a list of values, we might all select aspirational ones like ‘humility’, ‘kindness’ or ‘family’, but these may not truly reflect what matters most to us.
How do Core Values Form Over our Lives?
As we develop, our core values are formed, rejected, adapted, or adopted. Our early formative years are crucial in shaping our values and the attitudes and behaviours we mimic; how we handle difficult emotions and how we relate to others. Family plays a significant role, as does our social and emotional learning and observations. Interestingly, both positive and negative experiences shape our values.
During our teenage years, peer influence, education, media, and culture begin to impact our identity, self-esteem, and understanding of our place and role in the world. We begin seeking belonging outside of the family unit.
As we become more independent, aspects like intimate relationships, career choices, and cultural exposure can solidify or alter our core values.
In adulthood, how much time and focus we spend on our continued personal development and critical thinking can further refine or cement our values. Experiences like loss, increased responsibility, career changes, or parenting, etc. can prompt us to reassess our values.
So How can Knowing Your Core Values Benefit us?
Knowing your core values can help you to find purpose, passion, and direction. It can enhance confidence, decisiveness, authenticity, self-acceptance, relationships, and resilience, all of which contribute to better mental health.
Awareness of what truly matters makes it easier to make decisions that align with your values, leading to lower levels of stress and higher levels of overall well-being. This alignment fosters a stronger sense of identity, integrity, and self-respect reducing inner conflict and self-criticism that can harm mental health. It can also explain why certain jobs, people and events can be unstimulating, draining or frustrating!
How can You Identify Your Core Values?
The easy answer is that they are already evident in your life! It is important to identify your actual core values, not the ones that you think you should have or want to. As Steve Chamberlain says in his book On Purpose “You can drop all labels of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ here; in the world of values, control is not more or less positive than contribution; it’s simply a case of which is true for you”.
Here are some ideas that can be a great starting point. Avoid looking at a values list first as what you initially think is more more important. Pick a few of these to help explore what your core values might be:
Childhood: It can be really helpful to explore things you loved doing as a child, before you were graded and examined! Make a list of these activities and specific aspects.
Favourite person: Think of one or two of your favourite characters from a film, TV show, book or historical figure/celebrity you admire.
Family: Consider what values your family held growing up.
Highs and Lows: Identify five top experiences/periods in your life and five of your most difficult.
Ask other people: Ask a few people close to you what they think are your top values.
Compile a list of adjectives, characteristics and values until you end up with a long list.
Firstly notice any repeated words/themes peppered throughout and highlight these as these are clearly important. Start grouping words together e.g peace, harmony, calm, sanctuary. Choose one word that defines each group eg harmony, but keep the other words to pad out your definition of this value, you can look at a values list for better terminology, if needed. Get it down to ten and now really focus on your top five.
Now start testing it out. It can be a powerful tool for assessing if your job, relationships, and hobbies are in line with your top values. It can reveal why certain situations make you unhappy and help you assess if your job, relationships, and hobbies align with your values. This awareness can empowers you to make changes or simply understand why someone irritates you—they might simply clash with your core values!
Conclusion
Understanding your core values is not just an intellectual exercise; it's a profound practice that can transform your mental health. By aligning with your core values, you can navigate life with greater clarity, authenticity, and resilience. Your core values are the foundation of a meaningful and fulfilling life—honour them, and watch your mental health thrive.
If you’ve found this helpful and want to explore how this might be affecting your mental health you can book a one of consultation with me.
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