Let’s Talk About Stress!

I couldn’t help but think of the 90s pop group Salt-N-Pepa when I started thinking of writing this blog about stress. It’s one of those subjects we talk about all the time, yet somehow don’t really talk about it

Let’s talk about stress, baby

Let’s talk about you and me

Let’s talk about all the good things

And the bad things that may be

Let’s talk about stress…

Are we more stressed?

Let’s face it — life is becoming increasingly stressful. We live in a world of higher workplace demands, rising living costs, dual-income households, and longer life expectancy. But are we choosing to be more stressed, or are we being unconsciously swept up in a culture and economy that's creating us to be stressed?

We are more connected than ever before, yet also more isolated and exposed to constant choice and comparison — from swiping for new products to swiping for new people. Social media and the influencer world quietly feed an underlying question in many of us:

"Am I successful enough?”  or “Am I the only one not making it?” "should I be doing more?"

The social context we grow up in shapes us deeply. As psychologist Paul Gilbert writes in The Compassionate Mind,

“Modern life may serve us well in many respects, but it can also produces contextual overload.”

As a society we are striving for more, to “make the most” of ourselves, our lives, and everything on offer. Meanwhile, many workplaces demand more output for less reward, all in the pursuit of efficiency and profit. There is a shift from connection to consumption, from community to commodities. As Gilbert describes a move from a well being model in the 1950s to a business model of living today.

The Problem with the "Business Model of Life”

As Gilbert states, our modern economy is not built on a human welfare or well being model, but a productivity model. We are so focused on efficiency and competition that we lose contact with what truly nourishes and sustains us, and in essence regulate us.

As a society we have turned ourselves into mini-enterprises, constantly measuring our worth through performance and comparison. This starts early in our school systems, through extensive testing and grading, and continues into adulthood. We can realise this bias and mindset, for example when someone says:

"they are so successful " we never ask "in what way"!!

We immediately assume they mean achievement, productivity, efficiency usually through status, fame or wealth — We forget that we are not machines designed to maximise output, but humans built for connection, creativity, and rest.

Paul Gilbert goes on to say our culture has become dominated by a business model of living focused on efficiency and keeping a competitive edge which creates have and have-nots:

“Modern societies are, in a whole variety of ways, over-stimulating both our threat system and our incentive ('want more' and 'need to do more' system. However happiness does not lie in over stimulating these brain pattern but in balancing our emotion and desires’”

Brené Brown writes, in The Gifts of Imperfection, that we’ve turned exhaustion into a status symbol with everyone's competing over who is the most tired and the most demanded:

“We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we’re not exhausted, we’re not doing enough. Exhaustion is a status symbol and productivity is an emblem of self-worth.”

So is Stress Bad?

"Stress is not always a bad thing. Stress is simply the body’s response to changes that create taxing demands. The previously mentioned Dr. Lazarus (building on Dr. Selye’s work) suggested that there is a difference between eustress, which is a term for positive stress, and distress, which refers to negative stress."

 MentalHealth.com 

Dr. Hans Selye first coined the terms eustress and distress in 1956. Later, Dr. Richard Lazarus expanded on Selye’s work by emphasizing how an individual’s perception and coping mechanisms determine whether stress is experienced as positive or negative.

Eustress refers to small, manageable amounts of stress that can be beneficial or motivating — helping us build resilience, grow beyond our comfort zones, and learn about ourselves. In contrast, distress describes harmful or overwhelming stress that can have a negative impact on our well-being.

The problem lies in chronic stress: that looping, ongoing state where we feel under pressure almost every day, with little chance for recovery, where we start to feel negative stress, or distress.

For the purpose of this blog, we’ll focus on Distress rather than Eustress. For simplicity — and because that’s how most people use the term, I’ll refer to it simply as ‘stress'.

So, What Is Stress?

Stress is our emotional reaction to a perceived or actual demand, change or challenge. From a biological perspective, stress is your brain’s way of signalling that you’re under threat. It’s worth noting that what feels stressful varies from person to person; our biology, upbringing, and current resources all shape how we respond and perceive stress.

During early human evolution, this was essential: we needed to respond instantly to danger to survive.

When we sense a threat, the brain’s Amygdala activates the body’s fight, flight, freeze, or fawn (people pleasure) response. This then triggers the release of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, which increase heart rate, blood pressure, and alertness to help us respond quickly.

In prehistoric times, this response was brief — after the danger passed, our system would return to balance through the parasympathetic nervous system, also known as the “rest and digest” system.

Today, however, our lifestyles often keep us in a state of ongoing alert.

Many of our “threats” now are psychological rather than physical — performance reviews, traffic jams, emails, notifications, financial worries. However, our brains can’t tell the difference, a threat is a threat. If we stay in sympathetic overdrive — the fight-or-flight state — far longer than our systems are designed to handle stress can have an impact on both our physical, social and emotional wellbeing.

How Chronic Stress Affects the Brain and Body

there’s substantial scientific evidence linking chronic or acute stress to many diseases and problems in the body. One of these studies found that:

"Perceived stress was negatively correlated with overall prefrontal cortex (PFC) volume, specifically in overall white matter volume of the PFC".

Moreno, G. L., Bruss, J., & Denburg, N. L. Increased perceived stress is related to decreased prefrontal cortex volumes among older adults. Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology (2016).

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) is your executive control centre. It governs: emotion regulation (keeping the amygdala in check), decision-making and planning, impulse control and attention and working memory.

So greater perceived stress = smaller PFC volume, means that stress may erode the very brain region responsible for managing stress — creating a feedback loop where coping becomes harder.

 Bessel A. van der Kolk, goes on to explain this in depth in his well known book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma:

" Under normal conditions, the stress hormones help us focus and take action. But when the alarm system of the brain is turned on too often and for too long, it leads to the breakdown of body and mind.”

In adults, long-term exposure to stress hormones have been associated with many difficulties including:

• weakened immune system

• increase inflammation

• raised blood pressure

• burnout

• digestive issues

• Chronic Fatigue

• memory loss

• insomnia

• pain

• eczema

• hair loss

• asthma

• metabolism

• thyroid and hormone issues

• mental health difficulties

• cardiovascular disease.

When our brains are constantly on edge, they start to perceive everything as a potential threat. The brain essentially “learns” to stay stressed, to remain alert — creating a cycle that can be hard to break.

So how do we know if we are stressed?

Stress shows up differently for each of us. We can notice when we feel stressed by a clear trigger causing changes in our physical symptoms (such as a change in appetite, sleep, headaches, fatigue, heart palpitations) but also emotional symptoms (increased snappiness, tearfulness, feeling on edge or that you aren't coping). We may find ourselves snapping at small irritations, feeling tense for no clear reason, or being unable to switch off.

So, How Do We Begin to Build a Well-being Model?

The first step is to return to the basics — the foundations of good health. Acknowledging what social "norms" are surrounding you and what is and isn't aligning with your values. Ask yourself:

• Am I eating properly? Do I make time to prepare and enjoy food?

• Am I sleeping enough? Do I go to bed rested or exhausted?

• Am I moving my body? Even gentle exercise supports the release of serotonin and dopamine, our natural mood stabilisers that help clear cortisol and adrenaline from the body.

• Am I seeing people socially? Do I have connections with other people?

• What am I feeling? under then intial feeling of distress identify what you are feeling (eg lonely, overwhelmed, disappointed, let down, ignored, disrespected, sad, worried).

  
  

If you find it difficult to meet these basic needs, it may be a sign that you’re operating beyond a sustainable level of stress.

Next, look at your lifestyle choices and boundaries. Are you constantly saying yes when you mean no? Are you over-working, over-scrolling, or over-thinking? Small shifts in boundaries such as limiting screen time, taking breaks, or saying no to unnecessary obligations can make a profound difference.

Now focus on engaging regularly in regulating activities: walking outdoors, cooking, art, music, time in nature, mindfulness, prayer, or anything that helps your nervous system settle. The trick with this is thinking of activities that bring you into the present moment and slow your mind.

And if you notice that stress feels unmanageable — or that even small things trigger large reactions — it might be worth seeking professional support. Sometimes chronic stress can overlap with anxiety disorders or post-traumatic stress (PTSD), both of which are treatable with the right help.

Redefining Success

Perhaps the most powerful shift we can make is redefining what “success” means. Instead of chasing constant growth, productivity, and comparison, we might start valuing well-being, connection, and sustainability — both personally and collectively.

Imagine a culture that rewards empathy, community care, and creativity as much as it does efficiency. A culture that recognises that a healthy nervous system, a regulated mind, and meaningful relationships are not luxuries — they’re the foundation of a thriving society.

Final Thoughts

Stress is part of being human. It can help us grow, adapt, and survive. But when it becomes our constant state, it stops serving us and starts shaping and affecting us.

We can’t always change the pace of the modern world, but we can change how we relate to it. By returning to the basics of care, reconnecting with our values, and creating systems that prioritise well-being over profit, we can begin to live, and work, in ways that truly support us and help us move from surviving to thriving.

Let’s talk about stress — not just as something to manage, but as a signal guiding us back to balance, compassion, and connection.

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